ExchangeEveryDay Past Issues

Being overprotective and pampering children denies them the opportunity to learn from their mistakes and to make decisions for themselves.

I am not sure why we continually have to look at articles that suggest some children in other countries are spoiled. Is this a way to cover up the horrible statistics of almost one million cases of child abuse and neglect in this country every year? Given a choice between a spoiled child and an abused one, I will pick a spoiled child any day! Seems to me we are unwilling to look at parent behaviors that cause abuse in this country.

Part of the problem is black/white and all/nothing thinking. Child rearing practices (and educational fads) swing from one side of the pendulum to another (from overly strict, test based, and authoritarian practices...to overly permissive, unstructured and open ended practices). Of course, neither extreme is desirable (yet the media is full of hyperbolic rhetoric and divisive straw man arguments that serve no one - our children least of all).

The truth is that times have changed. To show my age, my mother sewed all my clothes until I was in the 3rd grade (when we started ordering our clothes from the Spiegel catalog). I was the oldest of eight children, and older children were expected to care for younger ones, and to help with the housework (which included polishing silver; getting eggs from the hen house; pumping and carrying buckets of water; helping during canning/freezing seasons by helping make applesauce; jelly; and so on). We spent hours on our own outside. Inherent in the activity of throwing a ball with other children we internalized concepts of trajectory, pitch, thrust and so on. When we learned that these ideas could be written as mathematical formulas, it made sense to us since we could attach the information to our real world experiences. Climbing trees provided implicit knowledge of weights and counter weights; balance; and stress. Our daily lives were filled with rich sensory experiences, and opportunities to test and refine our skills (in modern terminology to both embed and embody knowledge).

According to research, the disappearance of historic childhood activities has had measurable results. As all learning and behavior has an underlying biological basis, we have seen an increase of immaturity in neuromotor systems (limbic, vestibular, proprioceptive, etc).

Adults have realized that we must now get exercise to make up for the lack of movement in our modern sedentary lifestyle, yet we have consistently failed to acknowledge the ways that modern culture is deficient in meeting the developmental needs of our children. Since we can probably admit that the days of having 8-10 children and sewing our clothes will not be returning anytime soon, it becomes even more important that we mindfully create intentional environments and circumstances that provide for our children's biologically driven requisites during critical windows of development.

This is what "child centered" used to mean. It had nothing to do with indulgence, or raising bratty children. In fact, because a child also NEEDS to struggle (in order to grow in every dimensions) a proper environment would include appropriate obstacles for the child to overcome; and problems for the child to learn to solve on their own.

Sally Goddard Blythe, Director of the Institute for Neuro-Physiological Psychology tells us that "one of the greatest threats to modern society comes not from diseases of the past which Medicine and Hygiene have largely controlled, but illnesses, learning, and social problems which are a direct consequence of modern living conditions, lifestyle, and ignorance of children's biological needs."

Its time for us to stop the unproductive pendulum hyperbole and divisiveness; and begin to operate with deeper understanding and nuance. Our children deserve our best efforts.

I would have to agree with this article.

Children are playful learners who need strong, consistent, loving adults around, supporting their choices in a discerning, careful manner.