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Do Not Fix Child Feelings
August 13, 2014
If there must be trouble let it be in my day, that my child may have peace.
-Thomas Paine

In their new book, Social Emotional Tools for Life, Michelle M. Forrester and Kay M. Albrecht advise...

"When children are upset, it's natural to want to comfort them by making their big feelings go away.  Emotions don't need fixing.  We don't want to remove emotions from a child's experience....  We suggest that teachers resist the urge to tell children they should feel differently than they do.

"Instead, focus on helping children name the way they are feeling and manage their intense emotions.  Recognize and validate that the emotions are present and real to the child.  Then, connect intense emotions to appropriate behaviors (such as taking deep breaths or sitting in a cozy corner) and teach children to use problem-solving skills, like calling for help from an adult or making a plan to get what they want.  This helps children manage how they feel without dismissing their feelings."





SET: Social Emotional Tools for Life

Social Emotional Tools for Life provides teachers of young children with easy-to-use strategies to support emotional and social development in the classroom. It will help early childhood educators capitalize on day-to-day interactions and caregiving routines to build positive relationships with and between children. Vignettes and specific language examples guide teachers in applying the strategies during everyday moments.

 

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Comments (1)

Displaying 1 Comment
Laura Friedman · August 13, 2014
United States


This is so interesting to me. I have a colleague who is very aware that her own emotions become intertwined with the children's emotions. She is acutely uncomfortable with aggression and anger, and her first line of action is to get it to stop (with a hugging/comforting approach). She works hard to allow the children to own their emotions, but then is left dealing with her own reaction. It's been quite challenging for her, but she is working on it.



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