ExchangeEveryDay Past Issues

Time out - of what? Of life? Young children need "time in" - a question and answer told by Magda Gerber because she was a staunch supporter of infants' and toddlers' relationship needs . To be with an attachment figure - parent or professional - while expressing any emotions needing to be felt - might be just the influential care from birth that connects people in life rather than turning them away in fear of the truthful essence about life: that struggle exists, a state of humans. But our attitude toward it is fundamental, leading us to cope and adapt. The fields of epigenetics and neuroscience can inform educators; books such as Daniel Goleman's brilliantly tell how early brain development drives emotional intelligence, but a child influenced by disconnecting isolation, creating shame and doubt - Ericson's famous crisis of the first two years - is growing in the opposite direction, psychologically at risk.

There would be far fewer incidences of child abuse if all parents were taught how to effectively use timeout. It is totally appropriate tor remove a child from an activity when the child is unable to positively participate in the activity with peers.

Time out teaches a necessary skill: when to walk away from a situation and regroup. Instead of condemning the idea of timeout all together, we should be discouraging its use as punishment and encouraging its use as a consequence. When you are unable to make good choices in a given moment because you are too angry, it is a very good idea to step away until you feel more empowered to try again. We should be helping children remove themselves until they feel able to try again. If we want to rename it "taking a break" or "chilling down" or whatever.... that's fine. But we are sending the wrong message when we condemn the idea of time outs all together.

I beleive time-out has a purpose for every-one, as long as it is just what it says, a 'time-out'.
There are time-out in sports. It is used to regroup, think about the next play etc. Adults and
children can benefit from a 'time-out' if used in this way. Sometimes emotions get the best of
us, and we can not slow down to re-think our actions. A time-out allows everything to slow down
and a time to look back and see what we are doing an why. Time-outs for children MUST always
include an explanation and reasoning for the behavior. It is a great time to learn in a non-threatening environment.

Way back in the mid-90's at an NAEYC National Conference, a room filled with 500 conferees, myself included, stood up applauding when Dr. Lilian Katz, a panel speaker on the topic of ECE professionalism, emphatically stated "Time outs are psychologically damaging to children of all ages." Several years later when I asked why some teachers still resort to that knee-jerk response, she said, much dismayed by the sad truth, that she had no idea...