ExchangeEveryDay Past Issues

Very informational video. Shows how children should be taught to have good manners and encourage the children to play fairly.

Can we move away from "praise" and use encouragement and description instead? I was just talking with my college class about encouraging creativity - and avoiding saying, "I like..." especially when commenting on children's creations, as it can make a child tend to do it for an adult's approval, rather than their own satisfaction...Great to describe, without having to preface with "I like..."

Praise has a connotation of someone else approving - and if we are working towards building self-regulation and intrinsic motivation in children, encouragement and description seems more aligned with that goal.

Ellen, I think you raise a very good point!

There are a few other points that could be made as well (if our goal is to move away from "good intentions" that can actually be counterproductive).

First, I think it would have been good to have given attribution to Alfie Kohn and Carol Dweck because their work was obviously used in the video (Five Reasons to Stop Saying "Good Job," and The Growth Mindset).

And, according to Kohn, the other real danger teachers need to avoid is the use of describing what they see as a sort of control. "I like the way Sarah is sitting nicely" really means "the rest of you are not doing what I want." It singles out Sarah, and similar to "good job" can just be another way to manipulate children (as it is another way to encourage praise dependence or "praise junkies" -- and to lower social cohesion in the process).

And while I am extremely glad that the video talked about love and believe that the adult-child relationship is critical, I shy away from the idea that children crave our constant attention. I find that more than anything, children want respect ... and perhaps some room to breathe (where adults aren't always assuming their input is welcome, imposing their viewpoint, and interjecting themselves into every situation. (Think the stereotypical aunt who is always pinching cheeks.)

In my experience, quiet confidence in the child's ability to solve problems, and being available and willing to celebrate WHEN THE CHILD COMES TO YOU to share his success -- is often much more effective than commenting on how many colors they used (and interrupting their "flow"). The joy and satisfaction present when they have chosen to share their activity is much deeper and sweeter.

If a parent or teacher is getting a lot of "LOOK AT ME's," on the playground or classroom, they may want to assess the way they are using praise (descriptive or otherwise).

Wishing the best to caregivers everywhere!

Like Ellen above, I also think this is a very good video to help move teachers' understanding of the value of noticing and describing back to the child what they are doing and brings both the child and the teacher to the present moment. BUT, the "I like how" examples miss the mark you are trying to make. Just like the drive by "good jobs," both comments bring the attention to what the teacher values and what they like -- not on the child's actions.

I thought the video was very good and focused on the most effective ways to reinforce children's actions. In general I think we should avoid "I like..." and just acknowledge the child's action.We don't want them to just do things to please us but because it is right for them.