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The Fear Factor
April 13, 2007
Halloween is not only about putting on the costume, but it’s about finding the imagination and costume within ourselves.
-Elvis Duran

"Fear is the new fuel of the American mom," reports Paula Spencer in Newsweek ("We Protect Kids From Everything But Fear;" April, 2, 2007) "If it's not fear of her child becoming obese, it's the fear of falling behind, missing out on a sports scholarship, or winding up with a thin college-rejection envelope."

"Apparently I'm not nervous enough. Last summer while I was loafing in front of the TV with my kids, the most benign things morphed into menaces. For example, the sun: long-sleeved, UV-protective swimsuits were all the rage at my neighborhood pool, while I could barely remember to bring the year-old sunscreen. The water wasn't safe either: at the beach I saw tots dressed in flotation belts and water wings ­for shelling along the shore. And goodbye, cotton candy and hot dogs! At a major-league game I saw moms and dads nix the stuff as if they'd never eaten the occasional ballpark treat. As if their children would balloon into juvenile-diabetes statistics if a single swig of sugary soda passed their lips....

"I thought that once the kids were back in school, things would calm down. Instead, a fresh seasonal crop of anxiety sprouted, this time over corruptive candy fund-raisers and insufficient use of hand sanitizer. I know one mom who wants to change her son's schedule because he doesn't know anyone in his classes; she's worried he'll be 'socially traumatized' all year. Another is afraid of a learning disability she just read about, though her child seems bright and charming to me....

"It's not that I think parents shouldn't worry about anything. I'm personally petrified of SUV drivers on cell phones. I fret as much as the next mom about how to pay for college. I pray my kids won't wander onto MySpace and post something dumb. But you can't go around afraid of everything. It's too exhausting! No matter how careful you are, bad stuff happens (diaper rash, stitches, all your friends assigned to another class). And it's seldom the end of the world."



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Comments (5)

Displaying All 5 Comments
Aubrey · April 17, 2007
Rome, PA, United States


Thank you! Finally, I feel like I'm not the only "bad" mom who doesn't worry about everything. The most important job as a mom is to make sure your children are safe and loved.

PJL · April 17, 2007
manchester, ct, United States


I thought this article says it all. If you think about what YOU do everyday that could put your child or anyone else into danger it would be safer to 1. Don't use cell phones while driving. 2. Use your seat belts. 3. Obey traffic signals and don't rush to make it through the yellow light. 4. Pedestrians have the right of way. 5. Don't drive with anything in your lap, no books, pets, children...

It's called common sense and we seem to be loseing more and more of it every single day

Robyn Israel-Cox · April 13, 2007
Cooperative Children's Center
Seattle, WA, United States


I really enjoyed reading this article. As a mom of seven children and a director of an early childhood program, I clearly see both sides. The key is moderation, excessiveness on either end is bad. Live a little, enjoy the hot dog at the ball park, make it a special treat.
My neighbors children are afraid, literally afraid to eat anything unless they can read the ingridents first. Their father dictates that they must take a 3 mile run if they chose to eat desert after a meal. Sigh. As I've said, I have seven healthy children who chose to play the sports that they are interested in, that spend lots of time outdoors having fun. Some days we have great meals, all organic and vegetarian even, and some days were catching a burger at our local fast food drive through. We as parents really need to listen to our instincts and stop buying into all of the media hype weather it be about the fear of having obese children or having the top of the line, designer stroller to prove that we are good parents.

Angela · April 13, 2007
United States


I'm sorry but the fact is that kids are not having the occasional soda and candy at a baseball game but many are drinking soda everyday, eating processed junk food, and not getting the recommended 9-13 servings of fruits and vegetables recommended from the National Cancer Society. If you want to live in ignorance and wait for someone in your family to get a disease (1 in 3 women will get cancer and 1 in 2 men will get cancer at some point in their life (ACS) or protect your family, as the job of a mother is, then that is your choice.
There is no reason to fear life but there is also no reason to deprive our children of their futures.

Adrienne Schoen Gunn · April 13, 2007
USC
Los Angeles, CA, United States


This writers' comments are not at all surprising at a time where moms, dads, teachers and administrators are all held under the proverbial microscope. Parenting today is difficult enough in the world we live in without the added pressure of all of the "whats, ifs" and "possibilites."

The media has made parents afraid to follow their instincts and the constant "surveys and research" that has parents trembling at having to make normal parenting decisions takes alot of the joy from some of what should be the best times of their lives.

We have lost sight of "natural consequences,"
whether it be from a stomach ache from "that cotton candy," and forgotten the childhood memories that we each associate with those wonderful times, to the joy of having a new person in our lives come up and say "would you like to be my new friend?" and that great feeling that swells up inside when the answer is an enthusiastic "yeah, do you like to go down the slide really fast?" or "can you build a sand castle?"

These are the conversations of childhood that help to form the adults who are faced with the feelings and comments in the article. If todays' parents are struggling, its scary to think how the children who grow up without an occasional need for a bandaid or a stomach ache from too many cookies will ever be able to cope in their adult lives. I wonder if they will even survive their teen years without the aide of today's rainbow pills!



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