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Two Types of Whiners
April 21, 2014
They gave him a seashell: 'So you'll learn to love the water.' They opened a cage and let a bird go free: 'So you'll learn to love the air.' They gave him a geranium: 'So you'll learn to love the Earth.' And they gave him a little bottle sealed up tight. 'Don't ever, ever open it. So you'll learn to love mystery.'
-Eduardo Galeano

Holly Elissa Bruno, in her book, What You Need to Lead an Early Childhood Program, talks about two types of whiners:

"Situational whiners struggle with a specific dilemma they can't resolve alone.  Partner with them to resolve the dilemma.  With solutions spelled out and action taken, their burden lifts and whining stops.  In other words, once you help the lion remove the thorn from its paw, he heals and returns to his daily path.

"Chronic whiners are trapped in their world of no solutions.  They suffer from a severe inability to see what could be and should be, but compensate with the ability to see only what's wrong with what was or what is. The thorn in this lion's paw becomes a thorn in your side."





What You Need to Lead an Early Childhood Program

What You Need to Lead an Early Childhood Program: Emotional Intelligence in Practice is the first and only early childhood leadership book anchored in what matters most: the art and science of building relationships. Emotional intelligence is the ability to read people as well as you read books and to know how to use that information wisely. Each chapter begins with a case study that features richly complex, everyday challenges facing early childhood program directors. Alongside case studies are theory and principles, pointers and problem-solving steps to help you practice and hone your leadership skills.

  • Part I — Forming: Setting Up the Program and Yourself for Success
  • Part II — Storming: Identifying, Preventing, and Addressing Resistance to Change
  • Part III — Norming: Establishing Management Systems
  • Part IV — Performing: Putting Principles into Practice
  • Part V — Re-Forming: Renewing, Refreshing, Dreaming of What Might Be

Learn More

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ExchangeEveryDay is the official electronic newsletter for Exchange Press. It is delivered five days a week containing news stories, success stories, solutions, trend reports, and much more.

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Comments (2)

Displaying All 2 Comments
Holly Elissa Bruno · April 22, 2014
BAM radio; Holly Elissa Bruno Keynotes & Team Building
Sterling, MA, United States


Dear Suzanne,

Thank you for your thoughtful and compassionate response.

If you read my Exchange article, "Eliminate Whining in the Workplace" or the full section of What You Need to Lead, you will see that your concern is addressed.

In fact, you will find a discussion about how to respectfully work with a staff member who may have an underlying issue. Given the changes to the ADA (which now includes a list of "bodily functions" that are likely to be covered), a director needs to be mindful of how to partner with staff members who may have disabilities including depression and PTSD.

Whining is a call for help. If we can help, great. If we cannot help, we can refer the person to someone who can. However, if the person refuses help and continues to complain and spread negativity willfully, she needs to be confronted. As team members, we owe it to the children and to each other, to find solutions and not dwell on problems.

As a trauma survivor, I thank you again for speaking up on this issue.

Sincerely,

Holly Elissa Bruno

Suzanne O'Connor · April 21, 2014
United Way of Greater Philadelphia and Southern New Jersey
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, United States


RE: Holly Elissa Bruno's Situation and Chronic Whiners

Hi,

I'm concerned about promoting the assessment of some challenging childcare workers as "whiners." Name-calling is unprofessional and it is not aligned with NAEYC's Code of Conduct: "Ethical Responsibilities to Colleagues: In a caring, cooperative workplace, human dignity is respected, professional satisfaction is promoted, and positive relationships are developed and sustained." Nor does it represent our collective approach and philosphy in our work with children and parents, which is supposed to be strengths-based.

With resistent staff, an emotinally-intelligent leader should take a big step back and take into consideration any potential trauma or stress a staff person has experienced, or is still experiencing, and would work to build better relationships with staff without blaming or shaming (like thinking they are a certain kind of hopeless whiner) . A trauma-informed approach should be used in leading and managing low-wage childcare teachers.

As a former director myself, I understand the challenges. There are some people that should not work with young children, and they need to go and find another job. But, there are others that just need more connection, training, and encouragement.

Sincerely,
Suzanne O'Connor



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