Time In vs. Time Out

In his article in the Exchange Essentials, "Children with Challenging Behavior," David Elkind compares two forms of discipline:  "instructive...which is a matter of teaching children social skills and attitudes," and "punitive, [which is] a matter of stamping out misbehavior through punishment."

"An example may help to make the difference between the two approaches concrete.  Suppose a child is acting up and disturbing the other children.  If we take the punishment perspective, we might use the time out technique and put the child in another room or in an area away from the other children.  Presumably this removal will teach the child to be less disruptive in the future.  If, on the other hand, we take an instructive position, we might have a time in.  That is, we might sit with the child and try to find out why she is upset.  It might be the case that the child had a right to be angry, that he was excluded from a playgroup, was called a name, or was pushed.  Once we have an idea of why the child was troubled, we have a much better chance of helping him to calm down and to rejoin the group.  In the time out, a child learns that her feelings are ignored, and therefore of no value.  A child given a time in, on the other hand, learns that his feelings are important and will be attended to.  Which child is more likely to act out again?"

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