The Good Life

03/01/2016

Remember that children, marriages, and flower gardens reflect the kind of care they get.
H. Jackson Brown, Jr., author

Harvard professor Robert Waldinger led the Harvard Study of Adult Development, which tracked the lives of 724 men for 75 years, asking about their work, their home lives, their health, and how their life stories were going to turn out. In a TedTalk, "What Makes a Good Life?", he summarized what three lessons they learned about relationships:

"The first is that social connections are really good for us, and that loneliness kills. It turns out that people who are more socially connected to family, to friends, to community, are happier, they're physically healthier, and they live longer than people who are less well connected. And the experience of loneliness turns out to be toxic. People who are more isolated than they want to be from others find that they are less happy, their health declines earlier in midlife, their brain functioning declines sooner, and they live shorter lives than people who are not lonely....

"...the second big lesson that we learned is that it's not just the number of friends you have, and it's not whether or not you're in a committed relationship, but it's the quality of your close relationships that matters. It turns out that living in the midst of conflict is really bad for our health. High-conflict marriages, for example, without much affection, turn out to be very bad for our health, perhaps worse than getting divorced. And living in the midst of good, warm relationships is protective....

And the third big lesson... is that good relationships don't just protect our bodies, they protect our brains. It turns out that being in a securely attached relationship to another person in your 80s is protective, that the people who are in relationships where they really feel they can count on the other person in times of need, those people's memories stay sharper longer."

Contributed by Kirsten Haugen

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