Independence or Interdependence

As US citizens celebrate Independence Day, I was reflecting on an article that Janet Gonzalez-Mena wrote for Exchange about 20 years ago, "Independence or Interdependence," in which she dealt with the cultural differences in parents' expectations for their children.  She noted:

"Newborn babies are faced with the two major tasks of childhood: 

• to become independent individuals; and
• to establish connections with others.

"The parents' job is to help their children with these tasks.  Most parents focus more on one task than the other.  Some even ignore the other task and leave its accomplishment to chance.  The choice of focus is cultural, and the outcome is that the child comes to define 'self' as his culture defines the concept.  Two such definitions are:

• The self is a separate, autonomous individual whose job it is to grow and develop into the best he or she can be in order to become part of a larger group.
• The self is inherently connected, not separate, and is defined in terms of relationships.  Obligation to others is more important than personal fulfillment or achievement."

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