Giving Advice Unhelpfully

06/07/2004

"Being happy is not the only happiness." - Alice Walker

Giving Advice Unhelpfully

In the Exchange publication, Hearing Everyone's Voice: Educating Young Children for Peace and Democratic Community, editor Susan Hopkins discusses how giving advice can provide a roadblock to open communications...

"Suggestions of solutions communicate to other people that you are superior and they are inferior. It communicates lack of confidence in their ability to work things out for themselves. It also encourages dependency and lack of ability to think for oneself. This is true even when people ask for advice. It is most helpful to support the person in discovering his/her own best solutions through resources such as problem solving and experimenting.

"Logical arguments may follow giving advice. People seldom like to be shown they are wrong. Often they will defend their position to the bitter end and will end up learning nothing. Defensiveness, resentment, and feelings of inadequacy are often the results.

"Interpreting, telling people what their problem is communicates that you have things all figured out. This is threatening, frustrating, and insulting and may bring about feelings of embarrassment, resentment, and anger. If it is so easy for you to figure out, why couldn't they?

"Moralizing (shoulds, shouldn'ts, oughts, musts) make people feel that their judgment is not to be trusted. Instead they always accept what others say as right rather than evaluating for themselves."

Hearing Everyone's Voice is on sale this week as the Web Sale of the Week. This week only, you can purchase this practical curriculum guide at a 33% discount by going to http://mail.ccie.com/go/eed/0209

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