Seeing Children

04/10/2009

Years ago, Mum went to a primary school that borders the park – for nature walks, right here…She remembers collecting oak and sycamore leaves, pines cones, conkers. All the children would lay their finds on a nature table – I wonder how many schools have a nature table these days. I know mine doesn’t.
Dara McAnulty, in his book, Diary of a Young Naturalist

Jim Greenman recently related to Bonnie that his favorite piece of writing was "Seeing Children: A Question of Perspective," which appeared in the January 1991 issue of Exchange. Here is his introduction to the article:

My daughter, Emma, lives life as opera. Since birth, she has attacked life with no holds barred pleasure, incapable of understatement. She overwhelms spaces with her large and dynamic physical presence and her enthusiastic loudness, seizing the life around her — perpetually moving, gobbling up experience as well as food and drink. The tribal delights of childhood fuel her day.

Love relationships go through phases of congruence. When Emma was nine, I looked at this nine-year-old Bette Midler daughter of mine and craved the polite mannered, anorexic delicacy of some of her friends. Our life together seemed like a series of short, dispiriting skirmishes as we navigated hurried days and small spaces. Emma was definitely situationally disadvantaged, sharing small living space with a father who worked and traveled too much. I wanted a quieter, and perhaps more socially acceptable, way of being. The relationship slowly worsened as I lost sight of all those qualities I loved in her. We were out of synch; it was not a happy time for either of us.

I happened to be listening to an artist, Red Grooms, talking about his childhood. He creates delightful, energetic paintings and walk-in tableaus (you become part of a cartoon-like scene) and is a large bear of a man. He described himself as a child much like Emma, and he used the term ebullient — bubbling over with energy, enthusiasm.

As that year's up and down life with Emma went on, I clung to that term. When I looked at her and saw a huge, clumsy, loud, grabbing child and began to cringe, I thought "my wonderful ebullient daughter — such a strong life force." And I soon began to really see her again, as a complete person. I relaxed and became more accepting; and, as I relaxed, she relaxed (although with Emma, relaxing still involved a good deal of high drama and chaos).

Coming upon a positive label for Emma saved my relationship with her that year. It changed my perspective which badly needed changing.

This article can be viewed in its entirety on the Exchange home page.

Reflections and Contributions for Jim Greenman

Bright Horizons Family Solutions has set up an online condolence book where you can leave your reflections on Jim for his family. Jim's family has also asked that contributions in Jim’s memory be made to the Bright Horizons Foundation for Children, which he led with vision and great pride. The Bright Horizons Foundation for Children creates Bright Spaces, play spaces for homeless children, in shelters around the country. Jim believed that every child needs a place to play, especially during times of distress.

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