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Mother Madness II
December 8, 2010
“Children (like poets, writers, musicians, scientists) are fervent seekers and builders of images.”
-Loris Malaguzzi
-Loris Malaguzzi
Response to Monday's ExchangeEveryDay on Erica Jong's Wall Street Journal article was swift and strong. I have excerpted a few of the comments below to convey the thrust of their concerns. These expressions make me realize it is time to again spell out the purposes of ExchangeEveryDay:
- ExchangeEveryDay is intended to present a wide array of ideas that are bounding about in our world. It is not intended to present or promote the philosophy of Exchange, or any other single point of view.
- We could just present happy news or only views that are politically correct. However, when major publications feature controversial stories about our work, we think our readers need to be aware of these stories, to know who and what is impacting public opinion about our work.
- Exchange does not agree with every item it publishes, and we expect our readers will not agree with many of them as well. What we hope is that some of them will provoke you into action or reflection.
Dr. Alice Sterling Honig, Syracuse University:
YES!!!! There are rules!!! Authoritative parenting works best. Permissive and authoritarian parenting result in children with far more difficulties. YES!!!! The attachment literature has powerful news for us all!!! Meeting baby's distress needs promptly and effectively and providing lots of cuddling that first year are critical for the development of secure attachment to a caregiver. Insecure babies grow up to be bullies in the research literature, or else victims of bullies or lacking in empathy! So please do NOT print this kind of blurb when we have superb research showing how important quality caregiving is, whether papa or grandma or mom raises the little one. You are right, of course, to note how few of the glowing reports tell about how the glitterati can best choose a nurturing and tuned-in nanny!
Deborah, Deb's 2nd home, Fresno, California:
I am unsure about your reasoning behind printing this controversial piece. I see two extremes presented by Ms. Jong... interesting that she would pass judgment on parents (professional narcissists). In the end, attachment still matters, parenting is important — whether it's a Mom, a Dad, or another Primary Caregiver, and fortunately — in the best interest of children, there are still rules. We must be careful endorsing statements such as "Do your best. There are no rules." As professional educators and caring members of our communities and society, we must insist there are a few rules. We must remain objective, supportive, sensitive, and responsive, as we support the maturation of our next generation. The generation we are nurturing will make decisions and choices as adults, based in part on how we supported them. I'll choose not to share today's article.
John Surr, Bethesda, Maryland:
Although there may not be any rules, attachment still matters enormously to a child's later development, and our culture tends to smother natural instincts to be in touch with and attuned to one's baby. There's no real substitute for a sensitive, responsive, loving caregiver, male or female, especially in a baby's first year. Our electronic and corporate age tends to draw us into our individual shells, but babies need our attention and interaction.
Macky Buck, Macky and Michael's house, Cambridge, Massachusetts:
She makes a good point, though it is hard to find in all the judgmental anger. In particular I object to the cruel words toward interracial adoption, and the fact that while a few people have always had children for their own purposes, the vast majority of us are working hard to do the right thing by them. But this raises an important point. Lately, as she says, we are in a challenging cul-de-sac of believing the mother is the end all and the be all key to parenting. It is not true, and has not been true. But there is a counter idea to the one that we are a species that always 'wore' our babies. Sarah Hrdy in her great book argues that humans are unique among the primate families in that we are the only species where someone other than an infant's mother can safely care for said infant. She contends that babies, with their early smiles and intense social bent, have facilitated this by charming others to pick them up and care for them, thus allowing the mother two hands for various tasks. She actually goes on to say that in this way babies themselves moved humanity forward. ... The world and its problems are multi-faceted. Never as simple as Erica Jong would have it, nor as diabolical either. We are complex; most of us are trying hard to do the right thing. We often just don't have a big enough picture. I know the woman who puts this together likes to read. Try out Sarah Hrdy's (yes it is spelled oddly!) great, readable book Mothers and Others: The Evolutionary Origins of Mutual Understanding. It is deep, well documented and very thought provoking.
One of the challenges of working with young children is finding ways of working effectively with their families. In How Does it Feel? Child Care from Families' Perspectives, author Anne Stonehouse challenges the reader to look at situations in an early childhood program from families’ perspectives. Encouraging programs to move beyond traditional parent and family involvement, this recently updated version of the book contains insights on what it takes to create and maintain effective partnerships that benefit young children the most. ExchangeEveryDay
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Comments (16)
Displaying All 16 CommentsNorth Harris College, Retired
Beaumont, Texas, United States
Most of us spend our lives seeking warm nurturing relationships with other people. But for babies, nurturance is not optional. They must have nurturance not only to survive but to develop and learn.
Babies are in the most vulnerable period of their lives physically. They are in the most malleable period of their lives emotionally and intellectually. If children are to reach their potential, families must give an enormous amount of early nurturing and communities must provide resources for support.
Erica Jong is absolutely correct in saying that having a baby inconveniences corporate moms. Committing to breastfeed and to "wear" an infant to support attachment clearly changes a mother's life for the first years of her child's life. Amazingly, many heroic working parents manage to make it happen because they want the very best for their child.
My hat's off to all the hard-working parents who lovingly get up with babies in the night and patiently chase toddlers around!
SPCCC, Inc.
Potsdam, NY, United States
I love reading books by Erica Jong. She is not afraid of controversy and is true to her own opinion. It will be a sad world for future generations if we cannot print reading material without prior permission to do so. I want to thank you for sharing her unique vision of motherhood for those of us with open minds and hearts. It was refreshing.
Cudahy, WI, United States
If you are only reading the exchange portion of this article you are missing the entire meaning of the author. Read the entire article before commenting.
California Early Childhood Mentor Program
San Francisco, CA, United States
Bravo to you, Roger, Bonnie & team, for keeping the field informed of the wide variety of research, insights, and opinions (enlightened or otherwise) available! The most valuable, I find, are those materials in non-ECE publications. We need to know what people outside the field are reading and hearing in order to best craft communications to the public. My recommendation to Dr. Honig: Send your passionate rebuttal to the Wall Street Journal!
Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada
I agree with your right to, and your reasons for, printing controversial articles, but I also think what we have come to see these daily emails as a resource for staying up-to-date in our child care programs and philosophies. So when an article that goes against so much of what we stand for comes across our desk, from a source we trust, it is hard to stay quiet. I personally would like a 'disclaimer' at the beginning of such an article to let us know when you are not sharing information that we should use or embrace. You would get less anger but more thought provoking reactions which I am sure you were hoping for.
BANANAS
CA, United States
I, for one, appreciate having a variety of opinions available to spark discussion and thought.
Thank you.
Brea, CA, United States
I truly enjoy every single article in all its complexities and charm. We can't and will NEVER please everyone all of the time and many articles will strike a cord with those whom have a cord that perhaps NEEDED to be struck. As the author rightly mentions, do not become angry but reflect and make the changes necessary in your life as it suits you. Perhaps the fact that an article or study gets you upset means that is an excellent topic for discussion and should rightly be questioned and looked at more closely... the entire point of these articles!!!!!! Get a grip, start a discussion not an argument!
Deb\\\\\\\'s 2nd home
Fresno, CA, United States
I commented on yesterday's piece. It was controversial, but if you did not print it, I would not have been aware of it. So, for keeping my eyes open to all of the varied philisophies regarding motherhood, fatherhood, parenting, and early education, I must say thank you. I am now glad you printed the piece, for I am wiser for it. This article provoked much thought on my part. I appreciate your work, and may now choose to share the article with other educators. I also am appreciative of your mature response to all of our responses. Thank you for reminding us of your purpose.
Grande Prairie, Alberta, Canada
I whole heartly agree with Exchange. Please continue to post a variety of ideas and opinions, quotes and exerpts from articles. I thoroughly enjoy comparing my own values, opinions and knowledge from experience to that of others. It is wonderful to know that Exchange gets a reaction from people.
Kids \'World
Bellingham, washington, United States
Thank you for today's Coments on what Exchange is about. Presenting a variety of views and ideas is very important. When we are able to have creative discourse and explore different opinions and practices we grow and learn. Today so much is focused on a "Party Line" and different opinions are shut down and ridiculed. In institutions of higher learning we see this so much today. thank you for being willing to break that mold.
Michael
Kent Regional 4C
Grand Rapids, MI, United States
Regarding the Jong article.... thank you, Exchange, for providing us with sometimes controversial articles so important to open dialog.
The Children's Place
OKC, OK, United States
I am happy to see the ECE community so passionate about this article. I, too, felt an immediate physical response to the information. As my mother has told me, "It is good to hear what the other thoughts are out there." Let's not be too quick to judge ourselves. . .
United States
I find it interesting how vehemently folks have responded to this article. Perhaps my perspective is naive, but I took this as merely a validation of mothers who are torn by the demands of child-rearing, working, maintaining a life, etc. Ms. Jong makes a point in that our society sees a limited view of celebrity mothers who make it seem "so easy." We never see these women struggling to make ends meet, up at night with crying babies. We see them professionally coiffed, make-upped, and carrying their little ones like "accessories." This can lead our society to believe that raising children is that simple. I think Ms. Jong is just trying to say, "If you can't be supermom, it is okay."
I appreciate the dialogue that takes place in this venue as it continues to grow my thinking.
Oklahoma Department of Human Services
Oklahoma City, OK, United States
Thanks for consistently making Exchange Every Day one of the sources of information I read consistently. Sometimes the content isn't of interest to me, sometimes I disagree, but I can always depend on thoughtful content. Keep up the good work!
Crystal City Children's Center
Arlington, VA, United States
Thank you EXCHANGE for articles that look at all the dynamics of this fascinating business of early education! Please keep up the good work.
Mount Saint Vincent University
Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada
THANK YOU for posting Jong's article and the link. I have posted it on my office door in the Child and Youth Study department at Mount Saint Vincent University, Halifax, Canada.
The article points out issues faced by contemporary mothers, and is essential reading for my students in order to assist them in understanding the cultural and social pressures mothers face.
Too many early childhood educators idealize motherhood and communicate contempt for mothers having interests separate from their children, especially holding employment.
Too many early childhood researchers and professors disregard the critical examination of dominant Western arguments about "attachment", and fail to consider its ideological and practical implications. There ARE other ways of thinking about, and caring for, children that do not align with Western beliefs and values. And those methods are successful.
Thank you Exchange for urging us to expand our knowledge.
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