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Behavior Communicates Needs
February 23, 2011
I rose from marsh mud
algae, equisetum, willows,
sweet green, noisy
birds and frogs.
-Lorine Niedecker, 1903-1970, Poet
-Lorine Niedecker, 1903-1970, Poet
"All behavior has a reason, even if sometimes the reason is not a good one. Behaviors are strategies we use to draw attention to our needs. Children act out if they feel their needs (e.g. for affection, comfort, or security) aren’t being met. They are not mature enough to tell us in words which needs these are. The worst thing an adult can do is to ignore a child’s request for help (which is what the behavior is for), or to be afraid of an outburst. By dismissing the child, or giving into his demands without examining them, we are failing to acknowledge his feelings, and are not offering genuine support in helping him communicate his needs in a way that will get them met. Children look to adults for guidance in how to behave; we allow them to have their feelings in a safe environment, and prevent them from hurting themselves or others."
Facing the Challenge DVDs
Facing the Challenge is an instructional, interactive DVD set for teachers working with young children with challenging behaviors. The program includes over two hours of training and documentary video designed to help teachers learn how to prevent children’s use of difficult behaviors and how to develop intervention strategies to work with children who use challenging behaviors to meet their needs.
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ExchangeEveryDay is the official electronic newsletter for Exchange Press. It is delivered five days a week containing news stories, success stories, solutions, trend reports, and much more.
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Comments (2)
Displaying All 2 CommentsUnited States
I agree with what you say about allowing them to express their feelings about what is going on. When my children were very young, I told them that they could tell me anything even if they had to whisper it. I've watched each of them do this over the years and now we pretty much talk about anything, even if it is something that they or I feel was poor behavior. So yes, understand who they are and gently guide them.
Discovering Little Me @ St. Joseph\'s Regional Medical Center
Paterson, NJ, United States
I love that you are saying out loud that we need to allow children to have their feelings, and that children look to their parents for guidance on how to behave. So many times a parent will come to me and let me know that their child said they hate them. They are outraged and put the child in time out, getting angry themselves and yelling at the child. I try to explain to the parents that even though they are children, they should still to be respected and allowed to have their own feelings. Often I will ask the parent if they have ever been in the situation that they were mad at their spouse or maybe their best friend. Did they ever use those words?
Children need to be taught (as well as parents) that they are experiencing a feeling right now of being angry or sad, but that you can still love someone when you are angry. This can really be applied for any feeling in any situation with slightly different wording! It's not an overnight cure, but it's education!
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