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Supportive Social Learning
November 7, 2012
People underestimate their capacity for change. There is never a right time to do a difficult thing.
-John Porter
-John Porter
"When one child acts out against another, it can be tempting to assign blame and interact with the children, not as unique individuals but in their roles as victims or perpetrators. This often entails a focus on the feelings of the victim. The feelings of the perpetrator may not be similarly honored. In SSL (supportive social learning), teachers recognize that the child who acts out is hurting as well. The Boulder Journey School teachers talk of the 'two-armed hug,' a hug that embraces victims and perpetrators alike.
"Too often, efforts to hold a misbehaving child accountable for his or her actions alienate that child from the social group.... In more extreme cases, children may be suspended or even expelled. These practices may exacerbate problems. For example, conflicts often occur when a child attempts to enter a social group. If a teacher intervenes by removing either the child seeking to enter the group or a child who rejects these advances, this does not help and likely hinders the children's ability to negotiate such situations more effectively in the future....
"An unwillingness to condemn children does not mean that all behaviors are viewed as acceptable. A child who acts against another is held responsible for righting the wrong, but this is done in a way that brings the children together. In a situation where one child pushes another, for example, the teacher might say to the aggressor, 'When you knocked this child down he hurt his knee and that made him cry. Would you like to help get some ice for that sore knee?'"
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Comments (4)
Displaying All 4 CommentsUnited States
The last recommendation by the Boulder Journey School staff seems to potentially lead nowhere fast. Asking a closed-ended question may result in being ignored by a hurting child, and then a stronger controlling step may need to happen, but what will be learned by that? And if the child's answer is actually a "yes", it may be just an inauthentic act, a ploy for attention and approval with no sincere compassion or empathy behind the choice. Slowing down and waiting to see the child's responses, then reflecting what is observable, (from both the pusher and the pushee) that will demonstrate the adult's individualized approach to support pro-social skills being perceived and maybe somewhat understood and internalized over time.
United States
While it may seem that you are giving attention to the agressor, you are also providing a channel to learn empathy. We practice a similar approach. We asess the situation, give attention to the child who is injured first, and bring the other child over to help the injured one. It may be holding an ice pack and sitting together for a time, with explanations given by the caregvier in developementally appropriate ways. Followup on the behavior is necessary to ensure that it doesn't continue, or if it does why?
This doesn't mean that challenging behavior is approved of, or given more attention, but since each child is truly an individual, we must strive to educate and foster their self worth.
United States
Couldn't agree more. Love the "two-armed hug."
Yorba Linda, Ca, United States
While I agree that simple "poor behaviors" from children should not be treated as though they need to be made an example of (as though not every child hasn't done the same thing) I completely disagree with the thought process that they should be rewarded for their misbehavior. Going to get ice to help their friend? Getting a group hug? That is a reward. Every child likes the responsibility of doing something different from others. Children that act out in class, are disruptive or just mean are probably hurting or mimicking the same behaviors they see at home or elsewhere. You don't address the problem by giving the example that their pain is the same as their victim. No wonder we have the penal system filling up and kids who feel they are entitled to act out. If an educator knows a child is "hurting" and therefore acting out, find the time to pull that child aside later and help them to figure out a better way to handle. Let them know you care and that they aren't alone but that there will always be consequences to their actions. Get a game plan together with other teachers and/or their parents. Do not show other children that agression and power plays are a way to get rewarded. That is simply irresponsible. Ultimately those behaviors will make them a social outcast, tending toward friends of the same perception and make them less likely to succeed in school, marriage and careers. Loving them out of a behavior doesn't work in front of kids who haven't taken your psychology class yet.
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