“If my child, you know, tries out for a team, or really wants to get into a certain college or gets shunned at lunch,” Brene Brown says, “am I willing to sit with her or sit with him and not fix it, but just be with her or him in the struggle? Am I willing to look over and say, ‘God, I know how crappy this feels right now?’”
Brown wants parents to let kids feel the sting of failure and learn to overcome it. Even when parents can fix something, she sees more value in teaching kids to experience the emotions that failure produces.
"Teaching them how to get curious about [failure], teaching them how to name it, teaching them how to ask for what they need," she notes, "that's the gift that parents give."
Addressing Challenging Behaviors |
Comments (2)
Displaying All 2 CommentsNJ, United States
It's hard to let children struggle and not step in, as a parent and as a provider. I know it is where I failed as a provider...stepping in too soon. Personally the article reminds me of my son's first time playing lacrosse. He was the goal tender. It was a position he was recruited for as he worked hard in sports and had effective body control. The first game was a disaster and they lost 12 to 0. I sat on the side lines with my head in my hands wondering what I would say to him when he got in the car. (He was a freshman in high school.) I simply asked "how are you?" I could have reminded him that they lose as a team, or that he hadn't had enough coaching before this first game. I didn't do that. I just asked how he was. After he replied, I told him that we are have really hard days at some times in life (I swear we do) but that the mark of a man (as he is male) is how we stand back up. He did stand back up and his first shut out was spectacular and euphoric. He learned more from the defeat. His temperament is typically "feisty" and he has a tough time with transitions and struggles with sensory processing; should you have assumed he was a flexible, compliant, honor student.
San Francisco, CA, United States
Brown wants...but who is she? We need to be able to look beyond the quotation.
Thanks for listening.
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