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Anger Never Works
January 6, 2014
What we know matters, but who we are matters more.
-Brené Brown
-Brené Brown
"In personal relationships, punishment — whether in the form of anger, criticism, or judgment — rarely works," opines Andrew Newberg in Words Can Change Your Brain (New York: Plume Books, 2013). "But the brain seems to be hardwired when it comes to disappointment. If we don't get what we want — even if what we want is unrealistic — the brain's anger center gets stimulated....
"The best solution to the cycle that we know is to interrupt the negativity by generating a thought that expresses compassion for yourself, the situation, and other people involved. The research is robust: if we deliberately send a kind thought to the person we perceive as having violated our personal space, we psychologically increase our sense of social connectedness and strengthen the neurological circuits of empathy and cooperation."
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Comments (1)
Displaying 1 CommentBethesda, Maryland, United States
Today's message glosses over the need to acknowledge our anger and other negative feelings and even say we're angry, while we are working to control the anger and channel it's energy more positively. Most children, from day one onwards, are better at reading our unconscious emotional signals than we are. So if you deny your anger the child knows that you're not telling the truth. But if you acknowledge it and work with the child to problem solve how to manage it, you're giving the child both the respect he needs and a tool for emotional self-regulation for the rest of his life.
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