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Independence or Interdependence?
July 4, 2011
A sense of joy in a children’s center can be quiet, loud, gentle, and fun… heard, smelled, and tasted…muddy and dirty…wet and slippery…blue, red, yellow, purple, brown, black, and orange.
-Bev Bos, 1934-2016, teacher, author, musician
-Bev Bos, 1934-2016, teacher, author, musician
This story was shared by Janet Gonzalez-Mena, in her Exchange article "Independence or Interdependence." She continued...
"I've been thinking about that exchange for 25 years. She didn't get what I was saying, but I didn't get what she was saying either. Finally I'm starting to get it.
"Newborn babies are faced with the two major tasks of childhood:
— to become independent individuals; and
— to establish connections with others.
"The parents' job is to help their children with these tasks. Most parents focus more on one task than the other. Some even ignore the other task and leave its accomplishment to chance. The choice of focus is cultural, and the outcome is that the child comes to define 'self' as his culture defines the concept."
Do child-rearing professionals follow their own advice at home? The truth is revealed with wit and frank honesty as the author shares the discrepancies between her expert self and the "Dragon Mom" that is only known to those in her own home. This treasure of heartwarming and often hilarious anecdotes will give you new insight on conflicts between parenting and your role as a child care professional.
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Comments (1)
Displaying 1 CommentCDI
Mt. Shasta, CA, United States
I love this article and the notes about Janet Gonzales-Mena's wonderful book, Dragon Mom. Related specifically to today's article, I think the dual goals of independence and interdependence relate just as profoundly to the character traits needed in truly high performing work environments, as they do to early childhood development. And as Janet states in her article, just as difficult for a person raised with strengths in one or the other, to fully appreciate and develop in themselves.
I had the great good fortune to have been in a class of Janet's almost 30 years ago when I was demonstrating some particularly unlovely characteristics of independence in the form of complaining and criticizing the course in my class journal. I'll never foget the comment Janet made in a written response, "I'm not sure I know what to do in response to your expression of concerns, but I'm sure I know what not to do." She did not explain, justify or become defensive or judgmental of me. Instead she had a few gentle words and let me find my own way back into the course...a profound lesson in interdependence, which I truly needed. Later when I had the opportunity to read Dragon Mom it was at first difficult for me to believe that Janet could sometimes display "unlovely" behavior toward her children.
Throughout my 40 year experience as a leader of a medium size nonprofit I have been challenged with balancing and integrating independence and interdependence in my own and others behavior in our organization, knowing from my organization development studies that it is the key to high performance work systems.
Just recently having displayed some "unlovely" behavior toward a work colleague about her independence and later having developed some willingness to offer her some words to help both of us "find our way back," I have fond memories of Janet and wonderfully human experiences shared in Dragon Mom. Thank you again, Janet!
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