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Advice to Families with Disabled Children
September 8, 2011
Talent is insignificant. I know a lot of talented ruins. Beyond talent lie all the usual words: discipline, love, luck, but most of all, endurance.
-James Baldwin, 1924-1987, American writer
-James Baldwin, 1924-1987, American writer
"Each of us has the right to show our feelings, including anger, frustration, and hurt. It is no secret that a child with a disability can be a source of frustration that can lead to feelings both of guilt and of being wronged by the world. Sometimes with this comes the laying of blame on a family member. However, we must also think about how this affects others in the family — the husband or wife or mother or mother-in-law who is being made to take the brunt of our feelings of guilt.
"Often we extend great latitude to the child with the disability, while at the same time placing unrealistic demands on other members of the family, such as an older child. It is here that we must be extremely careful, even though it may be hard to imagine that a healthy child could be jealous of a sibling with disabilities. If a parent is delivering sweets, toys, and kisses only to the child with special needs and reserving the dustpan, mop, and dirty dishes for the sibling, it can lead to jealousy expressed covertly or through outright rebellion.
"This is true for other family members as well. The father, eldest child, or grandmother who is not excluded from the tired mother's attention, but allowed to be part of the family, will be more likely to help care for the child with a disability and share in the love of the family. Love is such a wondrous thing, because when it is divided it does not become smaller, but multiplies in volume."
All Exchange CD Books on Sale until Friday!Parenting resources at your fingertips! Parenting Exchange PDF articles provide practical, appropriate advice for parents on everyday parenting challenges. This CD contains over 180 articles you can print off to share with a parent seeking advice, send home with children, incorporate in your center's newsletter, or e-mail to your teachers as an invaluable tool in working with parents.
The articles are written by Karen Stephens, an expert in the early childhood field. Karen is an Early Childhood Specialist of Illinois State University Family and Consumer Sciences Department.
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Comments (16)
Displaying 5 of 16 Comments [ View all ]Redmond, WA, United States
Thank you for your comments regarding the title of this EED. Please see the September 13, 2011 EED for our response.
The Children's Project
United States
I am pleased to add that a wonderful book How To Raise Emotionally Healthy Children based on five critical emotional needs that ALL children have: the need to feel RESPECTED, IMPORTANT, ACCEPTED, INCLUDED and SECURE has been a successful foundation used with many families raising children with special needs. We do not distinguish special needs children to children without special needs as ALL children and parents have these same five needs.
I agree with many of the comments above as a member on our Board who does speaking engagements on How To Raise Emotionally Healthy Children has a wonderful, beautiful, intelligent visually impaired child....and a family that has always incorporated these five needs.
http://www.emotionallyhealthychildren.org
Romulus, MI, United States
People/Child first language. The title should read, "Advice to families who have a child with a disability."
United States
I am glad several of us in the field immediately responded to the article. I also was disappointed in the language used. We as the leaders in our field have to be sensitive to our children. We must advocate for all children.
Schnecksville, PA, United States
The message of this article is very important but the authors may want to begin to think about the language used when writing about people with disabilities. Children with disabilities and other special needs are children first. They are not disabled children. The disability is only an attribute of the child, not the child. Does this make sense. There are many resources on People First language. If you would like information, please contact me.
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