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Time In vs. Time Out
February 24, 2012
There is always a moment in childhood when the door opens and lets the future in.
-Graham Greene
In his article in the Exchange Essentials, "Children with Challenging Behavior," David Elkind compares two forms of discipline:  "instructive...which is a matter of teaching children social skills and attitudes," and "punitive, [which is] a matter of stamping out misbehavior through punishment."

"An example may help to make the difference between the two approaches concrete.  Suppose a child is acting up and disturbing the other children.  If we take the punishment perspective, we might use the time out technique and put the child in another room or in an area away from the other children.  Presumably this removal will teach the child to be less disruptive in the future.  If, on the other hand, we take an instructive position, we might have a time in.  That is, we might sit with the child and try to find out why she is upset.  It might be the case that the child had a right to be angry, that he was excluded from a playgroup, was called a name, or was pushed.  Once we have an idea of why the child was troubled, we have a much better chance of helping him to calm down and to rejoin the group.  In the time out, a child learns that her feelings are ignored, and therefore of no value.  A child given a time in, on the other hand, learns that his feelings are important and will be attended to.  Which child is more likely to act out again?"







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Comments (2)

Displaying All 2 Comments
Amy · February 26, 2012
Childkind Schools
Santa Rosa, California, United States


I think that your assessment of Time out is very narrow and plays into the misconceptions about time out as solely for punishment when in fact Time out is time out from attention, a break to calm down and regroup. After the time out is when learning can occur as the child goes back to the problem event or situation and makes amends, repair and has an opportunity to practice a better way or make a different choice and to experience success and positive reinforcementfor the better choice, more appropriate behavior. Some children and parents cannot tolerate time outs and then a quiet time is a good alternative but again it should not be soley for the purpose of punishment but to be a teaching moment.

Elizabeth Memel · February 24, 2012
United States


While I appreciate Dr. Elkind's comparison of time in and time out, I always return to Dr. Lilian Katz's statement several decades ago addressing a very large group of educators at an NAEYC annual conference. "Time-outs are psychologically damaging to children of all ages." The entire audience stood up and applauded. But years later I knew that the practice would not go away and I asked her for her advice when I saw her after a workshop. She seemed as mystified as I that teachers were still resorting to such weak and knee-jerk responses to needy children. How can parents know the damage if their child tells them "I got a time out today"? It must stop!



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