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At the Dinner Table
July 10, 2007
Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul.
-John Muir
Who would have expected that advice from Gourmet magazine (March 2007) would appear in ExchangeEveryDay? But Bonnie shared with me an editorial: "Teach Your Children Well" by Ruth Reichl that is quite provocative (hopefully it will provoke you to comment). Reichl was describing a New York City restaurant dedicated to children's foods, and commented, "the very notion drives me so crazy that I simply can't keep quiet." She goes on to observe...

"For starters, the notion that children are a separate species who require a different diet from the rest of us, pretty much does away with the concept of the family meal. The point of eating together, it seems to me, is not just that we all sit down around the same table but also that we share the food. The same food.

"Children study their parents — that is their primary job in life — and one of the things they absorb is the way grown-ups eat. 'Oh look, Mommy loves salad and Daddy thinks spaghetti a la bolognese is swell,' is one lesson learned at the family table. The message is that these are delicious and desirable foods, and the obvious conclusion is, 'I'll probably like them, too.' But if little Suzy and Sam get applesauce instead of salad and naked pasta in place of meat sauce, the lesson is quite different. What we are really telling our children is 'You won't like what we are eating.'

"And yet we know that what children like is mostly learned. Japanese children are not born thinking rice, fish, and seaweed are breakfast any more than American children are born with an innate preference for cereal. We tell them what they like, even if we don't say it in words....

"Sitting down to dinner, at any age, should be an invitation to the fabulous banquet that is life. The most important lesson we learn at the table is that great rewards await those who take chances. Do we really want to be telling our children, 'Just eat your nice chicken nuggets'? It would make so much more sense to say, 'Pull up a chair. Take a taste. Come join us. Life is so endlessly delicious.'"




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Comments (12)

Displaying All 12 Comments
Ron Blatz · July 10, 2007
Discovery Children's Centre Inc.
Winnipeg, MB, Canada


The article reminded me of this quote from a wonderful Canadian educator, Mary Gordon the Founder of the "Roots of Empathy" program. It goes like this "The kitchen tables of the country are our real universities and whether it is cod fish or curry that is in the pot, it is our future that is brewing."

I'd like to second her notion and add that whatever it is that we are eating, let's eat it together.

macky buck · July 10, 2007
United States


She obviously hasn't raised the kids I have raised, or worked with in my many years as a family child care provider.

Nor did she meet me as a kid! Or any of my 10 siblings! Many kids have very simple tastes, and need the plain pasta. That doesn't mean that they won't grow up to be experimental eaters. I certainly have! And I can still remember that inedible slime of a mushroom. It is a visceral memory.

There is a huge difference between simple parts of a delicous meal and nuggets! Nuance, nuance, nuance!

Reminds me of the time I sat down to a Kenyan dinner made by some Kenyan friends of my sister. It was ugali, a white starchy food, stewed chicken and some spicy green vegetables. It was delicious and I asked (thinking is this picky eating culturally bound) if Kenyan kids eat the greens. The men burst out laughing and said, "No, they eat the ugali!"

So have some patience with the little ones please! They aren't a different species, just a young version of ours. And have patience and less judgement of their parents who try so hard to get them eating well balanced meals. Don't lump together the picky eaters with the nuggets crowd!

Carol Hiestand · July 10, 2007
Southern CA Association for the Education of Young Children
Chatsworth, CA, United States


I love this article. As a nutritionist, an early childhood educator, and a grandmother, I say yes! yes! yes! Variety is the spice of life and we owe it to our children to introduce them to the wonderful foods that are available to us.
We need to help young parents realize what a special privilege it is to sit down together at the family table.

Kathy Finn · July 10, 2007
Christ Church Episcopal Preschool
Lake Oswego, Oregon, United States


I completely agree. The family dinner table is where children get to experience different tastes. They may not like it the first time but some tastes need time. Also, even more importantly this is the place we learn social graces and "manners".

Mary O'Day · July 10, 2007
United States


I thought that this was a fine article and echoes what I have thought and said for many years. Children need to be exposed to and try a variety of foods. The dinner table is the perfect place to do this. I do not believe in parents making separate foods for their children and that in making separate foods for them you are creating children that will eat only certain foods. They will not be risk-takers who will be willing to try new foods, and thus, celebrate the rich textures and tastes of foods. If you truly want dinner to be a family time, then the sharing of (the same) food is desirable. Thanks, for the article!

Karen Woland Payne · July 10, 2007
The Children's Learning Ctr at Penn College
Williamsport, PA, United States


Ruth Reichl has been one of my favorite authors for years, and now I like her even more! The saddest thing about the chicken- nugget-and-applesauce-eating children is that they frequently grow up to be adults who won't eat anything new, either. I think this limits not only their diets but also their whole outlook on life. (Ever try travelling with someone who won't eat anything but the 5 things Mom made for supper?) I think that one of our most important roles as early childhood teachers is to OPEN possibilities to our children, to encourage them to try all kinds of new and different things--not just food, of course, but that's a very fine place to start.

Meg Ross · July 10, 2007
Retsof, New York, United States


What a great article! My children and grandchildren grew up eating brussel sprouts, eggplant, and black beans and rice because that is what we ate. This sould also be required reading for center staff - so often when we tried a new food at the center, the staff (who lived on Mountain Dew and McDonalds) would comment negatively on the food as they served it, which made the children even more reluctant to try the foods. If we could get the children to try it, they often liked it!

Gail Kriel · July 10, 2007
Sunshine Family Child Care Center
McFarland, WI, United States


Excellent article! I posted the article on my resource board with a note that reads "Take a minute to read this, it highlights the importance of 'family dinners' and what an impact you as a parent have on your child's eating habits."

Edna Ranck · July 10, 2007
Westover Consultants Inc.
Bethesda, Maryland, United States


When I was a 22-year-old mother of a 14-month-old son, I read that children liked bland flavors and mild tastes. Then, a family friend whom I hadn't met before came to visit. He really liked cheese (he'd fit right in with "Wallace" and "Gromit.") When he offered Matthew a piece of very extra sharp cheddar, I said, He won't like it. Of course, Matthew loved it and asked for more. So I learned to let children try a taste of food before making any decisions for them. And perhaps that explains why I love black olives and pistacio ice cream (not together) when my mother said, You won't like it!

Jennifer Fuggini · July 10, 2007
CA
United States


I think this is a very interesting point. I once heard a chef addressing parents at a workshop in which he said, "You need to educate the palate." I think this makes perfect sense. Many people feel that if children don't eat something the first time you offer it to them, they will never like it. Several trys are often needed before children accept a new type of food.

Naomi Black · July 10, 2007
Houston, TX, United States


I wholeheartedly agree! I have an eight year old granddaughter whose favorite vegetables are spinach and brussel sprouts! When her pediatrician expressed surprise, she replied, "My mommy has really good recipes." She has her dislikes, of course, but, from the time she began eating solid food, she has been given the same food the rest of the famiy was eating. Because snacks offered in her home have always been, fruit, vegetables and cheese, I have often seen her turn down an offer of cookies and ask for an apple instead.

Some parents are so afraid that their children will not eat, that all they offer are the too sweet, high fat foods that are marketed way too well. It is the rare child who won't eat what his/her body needs when offered a variety of delicious and healthy foods.

Karen Gander · July 10, 2007
Manitoba Child Care Assoication
Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada


I totally agree with the author. How will children ever experience all the wonderful foods if we just feed them macaroni & cheese, peanut butter sandwiches. There are so many wonderful tastes, textures, colours to explore and food is one of those avenues. My parents didn't push the vegetable thing with me and my siblings and even today I turn up my nose at cooked carrots, turnips, and would not consider even trying a brussel sprout. Fortunately as an adult I know I won't die if I try something so I am a little more willing now. We need to allow children to experience the world around them and food is one of those experiences. We need restaurants that provide healthy meals for the entire family.



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