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Strong Reaction to 'Kicked out of Preschool'
August 1, 2008
It may be that when we no longer know what to do we have come to our real work, and that when we no longer know which way to go we have come to our real journey. The mind that is not baffled is not employed. The impeded stream is the one that sings.
-Wendell Berry
ExchangeEveryDay for July 17, "Kicked Out of Preschool," generated a tremendous amount of thoughtful feedback. We encourage you to go back and review the many responses to this story about children being expelled from early childhood programs. Here are just two of the comments...

Lisa from Milwaukee, Wisconsin:
"As I read the article I started wondering, what do people expect preschools to do when they have a challenging child? Our teachers barely get paid above minumum wage, they have little formal training, unlike their counterparts in the K-12 system and no special education resources like in K12. When you have a child enrolled who acts out violently, or runs out of the center everytime they get angry, there is only so much a program can handle before your state license is endangered. I am not talking about mild behavior problems, I am talking about children who have diagnosed or undiagnosed ED, or SPED. One state licensor told me, 'I know you have a good heart but you cannot keep children in your program who will endanger the program.'"

Joyce from Houston, Texas
:
"If my son had not been disenrolled from several preschools, I would never have got the message that he needed help with his behavior. Okay, yes, I am hard to convince about the other-than-perfection of my children. Now, he's a wonderful man (and earns about five times what I do).

"There comes a time..."



Exchange is proud to announce its latest publication, The Top Ten Preschool Parenting Problems and What to Do about Them! This practical guidebook for parents was written by Roslyn Duffy, the parenting expert who contributes "From a Parent's Perspective" in every issue of Exchange. The top ten problems addressed with a light touch by Duffy include...
  • Whining
  • Not Listening
  • Meltdowns
  • Negotiation and Manipulation
  • Morning Hassles, Mealtime Mischief, Bedtime Blues
  • Sibling Fights
  • Clean Up and Chores
  • Bathroom Battles
  • Hurting Behaviors
  • Bad Language

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Comments (14)

Displaying All 14 Comments
cheryl · August 04, 2008
child care in texas
keller, Texas, United States


I just won't to say that as a preschool Director if we do not Hvae the parent's of the unrulie children go some where else we will have children leaving becaue we did not let these childfren find other care.

Ilene · August 03, 2008
SD Philadelphia
Philadelphia, PA, United States


The article and the responses posted clearly show the importance of quality preschool programs working in conjunction with comprehensive interdisciplinary support teams. With support from social workers, special needs and health coordinators, nutritionists, and educational coaches, early care and education staff as well as families are provided support and guidance through challenging situations. When appropriate, assistance in navigating systems that provide specialized services for children and families is offered. PA has increased funding for Pre-K children enabling families to access quality early care and education programs while supporting providers in order to ensure all children are provided an opportunity to learn and grow, and successfully transition to Kindergarten!

What to do? · August 02, 2008
United States


I guess I have more of a question than response, my 2 1/2 year old son just got terminated from daycare yesterday. I was and still am devastated.They kicked him out for temper tantrums and being an endangerment to other children. I hired speech, developmental and behavioral therapists to all put together a plan for the daycare and my husband and I. The plan was to be put together on Monday and the daycare won't even wait until then, they said even if that happened, they still believe he needs a different environment. I am just very frustrated! We live in a small town and this seemed to be one of the nicest daycares here. He has been in daycare since he was 4 months old, his old daycare, was out of town, he left in Mid April, because I accepted a job working from home. The old daycare was WONDERFUL! They never had any problems with his behavior. He has only been at this new one for 2 months and they NEVER mentnioned him endangering other children until yesterday, yes I knew about the tantrums and that is what we were working on, but not about him biting or kicking other children until yesterday and now its too late, so our plans our out the window, he can't enter preschool until January when he turns 3. I don't know if I should take him to the babysitter (who has no structure or learning curricula)we have until then or try to find another structured program for him until January. PLEASE HELP!!!!

Holly McFaul · August 02, 2008
Oakland University
Rochester, Michigan, United States


I think the issue here isn't that our program might not be a good fit for a child. I think the issue is how do we react. Do we place the child into another program better suited to their circumstances and find resources to help the families work through the issues? Do we let the family know step by step that their child is struggling and try to find a middle ground to make it work? I have interviewed too many parents whose children were expelled with NO support from the program(s).

Yes I agree that not every program is the best fit for every child. I also agree we have little if any state or federal funding to hire specialists to brainstorm ideas with our teachers on how to make things work. However there is a more appropriate way for programs to handle expelling a family or child. As early childhood professionals we should be lobbying for Federal regulations and funding to make early learning and high quality chid care options for families a priority. Until that day happens we will continue to have children expelled.

Katherine Hartley · August 01, 2008
First Years Children's Center
Bainbridge Island, WA, United States


I ahve never kicked out a child from my child care center. We have over 120 enrolled and they are all under the age of 5. But I really wanted to. I tried over and over again to talk with the parents but they just laughed and said "he's just a kid". The parents never help us work with the child to find better ways to interact with other children. He would talked to their child about beat on, pull down, hit, & choke other children, no matter their age. The parents also never NEVER emphasized the guidlines of the center in respect to running inside and yelling at the top of their lungs.
I was happy when they decided to leave, I guess they got tired of me asking them for help!
Kathy

Roni Budde · August 01, 2008
Zoo Crew Childcare
Duluth, MN, United States


I'll admit, I'm a little skeptical of this article. After 15 years in early childhood, I've become known as the one that will keep the special needs and especially difficult long after others give up. I've only ever released one family, and that certainly wasn't the child's fault. In my case, and is the case more often than not from all I talk to, the family is released because of payment and/or policy issues. But with the "not my fault" attitude of today, it's much easier to for many (certainly not all, but many) parents to say the caregiver couldn't handle the child so they were "kicked out of preschool". I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but I have to wonder if there's more to the story.

Kathi · August 01, 2008
United States


I have been a preschool teacher for 17 years, it is a second job now...I am one of the lucky one's to work for an agency that has an inclusion dept where we have trained people who go out to preschools and family child care homes to work with the children and the teachers and families...I am continually amazed at how they help the children who have been designated as "extremely difficult behavior" children...we also have an agency we work in conjunction with who goes out to work with the children who do the same things and they follow the children helping them all along the way...in my opinion the children who have been on their way out, got the attention and the help...and if the directors just didn't feel good about their remaining at the site, a new site was found for the children where they are thriving...we can't give up on them...and it is a combined problem that takes the time and attention as well love from parents, and teachers...community resources need to be reseached and used as well as Resource and Referral agencies they are a wealth of hope.

Nicola · August 01, 2008
Villas, NJ, United States


In response to the reader that is concerned about a preschoolers violent behavior endangering ..."the program".
I would be more concerned about a child endangering another child. In my strong opinion, one's number one responsibility as an adult supervisor of young children in a preschool environment, or, for that matter, in any environment, is the safety and wellfare of ALL children.

Ron Blatz · August 01, 2008
Discovery Children's Centre Inc.
Winnipeg, MB, Canada


I share the thoughts of several other readers. Over 30 years I've come to the understanding that with the skills, resources, and strick regulations regarding restaint that exist in our province, it is probably not reasonable to think that our group care system is suitable for 100% of children. We shouldn't beat ourselves up or let others beat us up for our falure to be all things to all people.

We will go to the end of the earth for a child whose family is concerned and doing whatever they can to help. However if we find ourselves caring more about the child than the parents, we do need to ask ourselves if something is wrong. If parent refuse to meet with us or support our calls for help we will consider discontiuing service much soooner than if they are with us.

In an industry where we pay approximately 30% less than market cometivitive industries pay, we will suffer from high staff turnover, and this will always effect quality. If society wants high quality services they will have to pay for it.

In our province we have 1 Behavioural Therapist and 1 Family Theorapist for 26,000 ECE children. Compare this to the resources our local school division has for their 9000 students and it is laughable to think that we could do as well as the K-12 system does.

Jennifer Manuola · August 01, 2008
Rutgers University
New Brunswick, NJ, United States


I love all children--and that's why I protect them when we have children in our program who pose significant danger to the safety and well-being of all children. Guidance and love is not all the children exhibiting severely aggressive and dangerous behaviors need. They need appropriate learning environments and intervention services. Often the children who exhibit such violent behaviors over extended periods of time are children who simply cannot function in group care due to the nature of their diagnosed or yet-to-be-diagnosed disorders. There is a difference between supporting a child through a developmental stage (such as biting under the age of 2) and the 3 year old child who bites over the course of months due to a developmental delay that is not being appropriately addressed. To insist on keeping them in an environment that is inappropriate and over-stimulating is wrong. It puts everyone at risk. In the eyes of the child--or from their perspective--some of our programs are classrooms with too many children, too many toys, too many choices. They are bombarded with stimulus that causes them significant stress. These children deserve the right to have access to the intervention services that they need to develop. Many of these children do best in small group settings where there is 1:1 ratio and access to therapists on site without having to travel or miss nap time to receive the intervention services they so desperately need because the therapist can only get to their program during nap time. We love all children. Sometimes our programs are just not the places where their developmental needs can be addressed. Indeed it would be the preschool program at fault if the program did not guide the parents to recognize their child's unique needs and put them in contact with resources. Sometimes intervention can happen on-site, sometimes it can't. As one mom in our program put it "I understand that Johnny has ODD, but my child is not Johnny's personal biting toy to support him over the months that it will take to remediate this behavior. My child has the right to a safe preschool environment where he can focus on learning and not on the defense techniques he will use when Johnny heads towards him." Bottom line--safety trumps all with supporting healthy child development a close second.

L Goad · August 01, 2008
United States


I feel strongly that it is our responsibility as early childhood educators to tailor our programs to meet the social emotional issues raised in preschool. We must problem solve with the families and our co teachers to create an environment where children can express themselves and be respected for there concerns. It is the teachers job to create a climate that is comfortable, interesting and diverse, with many opportunities for play and exploration. Preschool is the foundation for future success in a classroom setting and it is the time to address conflicts and other problems that arise in group dynamics and social settings. It is not just about having a kind heart. It is about guiding and fascilitating children's positive interactions while learning how to negotiate with others.

Raquel De Forest · August 01, 2008
Las Vegas, Nevada, United States


I must apologize, but I need to make one correction to the comment I made, I STRONGLY DISAGREE with the two comments that I read. It is hard to make a point when you make a mistake. Thank you.

Raquel De Forest · August 01, 2008
Las Vegas, Nevada, United States


I read the couple of responses to this article and I MUST respond to one of the comments made. I became a little upset at the comments about early childhood educators that says, "...they have little formal training and no special education resources..." I have to strongly agree with this comment. I work for a local resource and referral program and I am a CDA Instructor. In this program we have 'formally' educated several local teachers (in the hundreds) and most of them are all CDA certified and are now working towards their second CDA. The CDA is our first step in professionalizing the field of Early Childhood Education in the eyes of the world. Also, many of my students through the years have extensive special education experience or they now actually work with special needs children. Also, if a student is in need of special education resources we either pass the information/resources to them or we simply point them in the right direction. We will also refer them to a program that will come out and observe a child that the teacher has concerns about and work with the school, the teacher and the childs family in coming up with a solution to help that child, instead of just kicking them out of school when they get a little out of control. I encourage all of the CDA instructors out there to commment. We need to show the world that we are all true Early Chilldhood Professionals. Thank you.

Susan Mittelstadt · August 01, 2008
United States


Children who are kicked out of preschool.
The preschool programs are at fault. These children are kind and sweet very intelligent and extremely loving children.
I find that the preschools just don't take enough time to look in the eyes of the children and love them the way the children need to be loved. Encouragement and guidance and love is all these children need. I pray for a change for these children and for the preschools to take time to get to know each and every child as an individual. Find the best qualities in these children and not give up on them. Todays society poses many stresses on children and parents which leads to children and adults being overtired and stressed. Stop and smell the roses with these children.
They are a gift!



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