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The term "nice" is so broad that I would encourage some other descriptions that may also play into how we conduct ourselves in the workplace. Can we be enthusiastic and positive (nice as opposed to rude and discourteous). When there are times of differing opinion or conflict can we think in terms of integrity-knowing the difference between right and wrong; Character-the courage to do something about a wrong or injustice. Can we stand on principals and continue to conduct ourselves in a professional and courteous manner (nice vs. defiant). I think the word "nice" is not the best choice of a word when trying to understand this concept of conflict resolution or standing on a principal of justice. Open, positive and professional communication can be done "nicely".

Certainly Holly Elissa's points are well taken. She was up in arms about making nice and acting like a lady when it means avoiding conflict. We were both on the same page (so to speak) in our co-authored book Learning from the Bumps in the Road. I, too, was writing about conflict, but a theme of the chapter was affirming civility. So how can you be civil (another term for being nice) and still stand up for what you believe in? I am a person who feels very strongly about standing up to injustice. (Notice I wrote standing up to rather than fighting.) I have been working for years to figure out a way to stop oppression and still be civil. Here is what I've learned. One way is to change your images. There is power in images! Instead of fighting when faced with conflict, you can try dancing with it. You have to get out of an either/or mode to do that. For example, Instead of working to convince someone that she is wrong and you are right, you can reject a win/lose mode and create a dance. You can be nice (read civil) and work toward resolution that is just. You can think of the dance as part of building a relationship instead of butting heads. See the power of images? You can work on your communication skills and take on a problem-solving rather than a power approach to conflicts. All this can be done while being civil. So please, don't throw the word nice out of your vocabulary or if you still can't stand that word, just substitute civility!

Just like the most useful anecdotal on children are based on what children 'do and say', so it is with sharing with our co-workers. And sharing your feelings using "I" statements, for example "I'm feeling....when you...." Can we talk about it?

I heard a speaker once talk about the difference between hurtful and harmful and it has been very helpful in allowing me to be more direct when dealing with conflict. Sometimes, especially as directors we need to say things that will be hurtful, it hurts when we hear that we need to do better in a specific area of our job performance. We need to say what we need to say in the least harmful way possible. Better to learn that parents don’t feel welcome in our room and have a chance to change that, than find out our contract is not being renewed. To be kind doesn’t mean to always be nice, it is kind to let people know directly where a problem is so that everyone involved can work towards solutions.

I totally agree with the sentiments shared in this article and written about in this new book. Reggio Emilia educators speak of provocation as a beginning point for the emergence of important projects. Parker Palmer speaks of the tensions created by paradox. In fact, he writes that It is in fact the job of “good teachers” to “always find ways to induce” “creative tension” (Palmer, 1998, p. 74).