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Pursuing Forgiveness
November 12, 2013
In a real sense all life is inter-related…Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly. I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be, and you can never be what you ought to be until I am what I ought to be…This is the inter-related structure of reality.
-Martin Luther King, Jr.
-Martin Luther King, Jr.
In his book, Emotional First Aid (New York: Hudson Street Press, 2013), Guy Winch makes the case that we need to be as proactive with our emotional injuries as we are with our physical injuries. As an example, he talks about the importance of forgiveness:
"Sometimes our actions or inactions harm others, and sometimes the harmed do not forgive us. We are left with guilt; this usually has more to do with our inadequate apologies rather than with the inability of the other person to let go of the hurt. An effective apology requires a crucial ingredient: empathy.
"For the other person to truly forgive you, convey an effective apology. Make sure you understand how he felt, as well as how he was affected by your actions. Once you've expressed real empathy, the other person is much more likely to feel that your apology is sincere and give you authentic forgiveness."
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Comments (1)
Displaying 1 CommentSelf-employed consultant
Dallas, Tax, United States
Yes, I never made my 4's and 5's say "I'm sorry." It was not authentic. We talked about feelings, and usually hugging would ensue after our talks. Children are very tender and caring and "really" sorry when they are allowed to express it in their own individual way. It takes longer, but it was always worth it. And I would ask the child who was hurt what he or she would like to say to the offender like "I don't like you!" Or "I hate you!" and the other child could also say how they felt. Putting words to feelings helped all of the children learn to stand up for themselves, and express their emotions.
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